This week I was asked to take three Communication's Measures tests; Communication Anxiety Inventory, Verbal Aggressiveness Scale, and the Listening Styles Profile.
In the verbal category I scored a 51 placing me in the "low" category, which I might add is almost in the "moderate" category. I believe that I probably belong more in the "moderate", than the "low" in the area of verbal aggressiveness. This is something that I have had to work carefully on since a child. I grew up in a family of people who did not give in easily. So, I can say that sometimes I may be more inclined to try to change someone's mind that letting go. I do try and stick to the facts, even when I being persuaded.
I was on vacation this past week with my husband who got terribly sick, four teenagers, and their parents who slept in ear plugs and eye masks in a two bedroom condo type place. Communication became very interesting especially around 3:00 am when I wanted to be asleep, but an adult really needed to be awake. Self-monitoring came into play here, especially when the nineteen year old boy looked at me and said I wasn't his mom. I had to take a step back because although I have watched him is whole life, of course I'm not his mom. This conversation evolved and I actually let him do an evaluation test of me because I was curious, and he things I'm in the "moderate" verbal category too.
The Listening Styles Profile says I am in Group I - People Oriented. I and my evaluators secured this category for me. I am empathetic and concerned for the emotions of others. Therefore, when my husband was sick and the place was full of noisy teenagers, I explained the way things needed to get and why we needed to go to bed. There was also an incident where one of the girls did not make a good choice, and it had some not so good consequences that caused her friend to feel abandoned and sad. We had a family meeting the next day with everyone, except my husband who was trying to rest trough it all, discussing how we should be respectful of people's space, things, and of them in general. Another great discussion we had was when is sarcasm appropriate, when it is not, and what about when some people get annoyed and just really might not get it. The lady I was with on this trip is a relationship/family therapist. When I say we had a discussion it was an hour and half of active listening and responding. Also, lots of mirroring to place to ensure the messages were not jumbled, or misinterpreted, and everyone was being heard. This is a very interesting way of communicating, but it allowed everyone to feel that they were heard and they belonged.
In communication we need to know who we think we are, "our self concept, and be aware of our self-esteem, "how we feel about our-self", through this awareness we can learn to assess our abilities through self-efficacy.
Allowing myself to be concerned with the emotions of others can hinder me to a degree in communicating with others. Sometimes we can not truly listen to someone and be active when feelings are involved. It does help to build relationships, but as a professional it is ideal to remain as professional as possible while caring about someone's feelings. It is important to not allow emotions to interfere, while professionalism is maintained. This is something I have to work on because often times I see feelings first, and then I am shut off from the actuality of it. This can also interfere in my personal life. For example, when my husband is truly trying to say he's sorry about something or just tell me something, and I am not empathetic or sympathetic to him but instead lean on my own emotions or play on his. This is not helpful in the communication process, so it is important to know when to discuss emotion and when to let it be.
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